Whatever you carry.....
There is no doubt that each and every one of us has had experiences in their lives that were unwanted, uninvited and unpleasant. Whatever the individual details were, experiences of such unwanted nature leave behind scars. That is to say, depending on the strength, duration, and magnitude of such experiences, they have a lasting impact on us.
The impact will make itself known in a multitude of ways. One common factor, however, seems to be the minds effort trying to solve the problem, heal the wound or develop coping strategies. Quite frequently we will have to acknowledge that we don't relly know how to do this and it is difficult to come to terms with what happened and with the impact it made on our lives.
The society we grew up in, with its values, norms, traditions and educational systems is the backdrop to our struggle, and will influence the way we deal with our difficulties.
In my own upbringing and culture I cannot remember being taught the skills to cope with trauma. However, the discussion of society as part of the problem will be another chapter later on. Yet, it is clear that the world in which we grew up plays an important role in how we deal with all of this.
One of the results of trauma and its impact on our lives, minds and hearts are the development of repetitive, negative thought patterns, emotional patterns and habits that start to run the show.
In my experience with clients it has become evident that we start to believe those 'scripts' are who we are. We think of it as part of our personality and it becomes part of our identity.
In my work as a counsellor I find it crucial to unravel these scripts/patterns/habits, recognise them, name them for what they are and develop the mental and emotional freedom to deal with them in a more detached way; thus facilitating integration and developing resilience and confidence.